I can't feel my arm

Well that's not really true. I can feel it but using it might not be possible. Thanks to bodypump. It totally kicked my butt and my arm this morning. It felt good to be in the gym toning up, especially after the 2 week long birthday extravaganza. You only turn 30 once or at least I hope cause I love birthdays but this one wore me out! I'll post more on leaving my twenties behind later. Back to bodypump, it makes me feel like a bad ass, mostly cause I'm lifting weights. I can do 5lbs. now....woo hoo!!!! :) I have a feeling that tomorrow there will be a lot more body parts that aren't functional.

Success!!!

I actually accomplished two of my "If I dos" from my previous post and I do feel a lot better. I also feel great because I went to zumba tonight. It's a great workout and I'm getting better and better at it. I wish I could bottle up the sense of accomplishment I feel after a good workout so then on days when I'm not motivated I could take a whiff and get my bottom to the gym. I also like how working out makes me feel stronger and healthier. I'm totally not the most graceful at zumba, I have a limited amount of rhythm and apparently my hips only shake sexily when I'm intoxicated. Despite all that I feel good when I'm doing it because I know that I'm doing something good for me, I'm taking the time to take care of myself and that is a nice feeling.
I've also discovered that I love swimming. It's such a great summer exercise. Usually during the day no one is at my pool so I'm all alone with just my thoughts, my goggles and a dead hermit crab without it's shell. Well that last part only happened yesterday. I like being outside and in the sun but not sweating to death. I also like to be able to get lost in my thoughts as I swim my laps. Swimming is also a great all over body exercise and it doesn't put any pressure on my joints, don't have to worry about my knee while swimming.

If I had....

If I had.....taken the last 8 months of my weight loss journey seriously there would be less of me.

If I had.....gone and worked out yesterday I wouldn't feel so fat today.

If I had....said no to 2 pieces of cake, 3 mini cupcakes and a brownie, the scale wouldn't be up today.

If I had....gone to Weight Watchers last week I would have been more on track this week.

I totally copied this format from another blog that I read but I really like it. Basically to sum it up I need to stop agonizing over all the"If i hads" and start focusing on the "If I dos" then I'll probably be more successful. So If I do....

go to the gym 3 times a week I'll relieve stress.
go to Weight Watchers meetings every week, it'll be easier to stay on plan.
track all my food I'll be more likely to stay within my points.
pick myself and dust myself off when I fall off the wagon I'll be a healthier happier me!

I think the "If I dos" sound much better than the "If I hads".

Cutting the Bull*$#@!

I copied that from another blog but it's pretty spot on so I figured I could borrow. I don't even know where to begin. Hmmm let's begin with the insomnia. I can't sleep, when I do fall asleep I wake up every couple hours. I'm tired all day long. It's not fun. Next, the depression, this week has been a particularly depressing week. There's not really a specific reason why just things piling up. I have decided that I need to stop letting other peoples actions and reactions affect me. Life is way to short to walk around being depressed. I also got my psychiatrist to give me some sleeping pills and up my antidepressants. Hopefully this will help work most of this out. I have actually been eating within my points the past couple days although i haven't been working out very much. I attribute the lack of exercise to my exhaustion from my inability to sleep so hopefully that will also work it's self out. Finally, I'm going to College Station this weekend so I think getting out of town will give me a mini vaca. yay!!!

Hungry, hungry Hippo!

Remember that game? It was so fun to get your hippo to eat the most balls. The great thing was the hippos never got any bigger no matter how many balls they ate. Who doesn't love a game that encourages eating as much, as fast as you can? Last night I became a hungry, hungry hippo. I ate 6 waffles in one sitting, an omelet and 2 pieces of turkey bacon. I would've have definitely won had this been a game.
First, I started off with an omelet, 2 pieces of turkey bacon and 2 whole grain waffles. It was fine I had the points but after eating that I wanted two more waffles and then again another 2 more waffles. Needless to say yesterday was a rough day. In fact the whole day had been off at least with my emotions. Yesterday was one of those rare days when I was pretty down in the dumps. Luckily those are pretty rare, thanks antidepressants. :)
So today I went back and tracked all my food from my giant feast and am now feeling better about it.

Oh Scale!

I have a complicated relationship with my scale, in fact I dare to say most people have a complicated relationship with their scale. It's a love/hate relationship. I love it when it says there's less of me but I hate it when I say there's more of me. It's not only my personal scale that these emotions relegated to it's my Mom's scale, my Grandma's scale, my friends scales, the scale at the doctor, the gym and the scale I had to step on in Vegas before getting in a helicopter. My own personal scale takes the brunt of this relationship though. In fact, if this were a real relationship I would have dumped my scale by now. We may have gotten back together a few times and tried to make it work but ultimately I would have dropped it's sorry butt! I avoided my scale the week before I left for Vegas and managed to avoid all scales with the exception of the helicopter scale, until this morning. I finally had the courage to step on the scale in my mom's house. I hate that the mere sight of a scale freaks me out but it's a necessary evil for me at least. Although this particular scale is up it wasn't horrible considering I've been on vacation for the past 2.5 weeks. The good thing about putting on my big girl panties and stepping on the scale, I went on a walk directly after and have managed to track all my food so far today. Oh the power of the scale!

A lil out of control

I've been feeling a bit out of control these past couple days. I just can't seem to get my head in the game so to speak. I'm not really sure what it is but it probably has to do with the start of my summer vacation. Although I love summer it's an unstructured time for me. This is good in the sense of me being able to do whatever I want when I want to but in other ways I need that regimented schedule. It keeps me from eating all day and it also limits what I can eat since I only have access to the food I bring to work.
On the other hand all this free time allows more gym time right? Well that would be the case if I would actually go to the gym. I think in order to feel more in control I'm going to have to come up with a flexible summer schedule. Hopefully this will help with the out of control feeling and help me to quit eating everything.