Friday, January 2, 2009

When I woke up.....I was fat!

As the title of this post would suggest in fact one day i did wake up to discover that i was fat. Now I know the f word is a bad word and people who use it to describe themselves probably don't love themselves and are lookin for a compliment, but this was a reality. I didnt stop loving myself, my self-esteem wasn't shot, and I really wasn't lookin for anyone to tell me the opposite. I'm being honest and I think the most important part of this grand undertaking is about being honest with myself and thus I can admit, I am fat. If you want to dress it up and add a medical twist you could say "obese" but thats longer to type.
Thus, I want this first post to be about how this happened, I want to share my story of how I got fat.
Of course growing up I was always struggling with my weight, all throughout elementary and middle school I was always taller than most kids in my grade and I wouldnt say that I was insanely overweight, I always had a little chub goin on. The other factor is that I come from a family with weight issues. Most of my life I have watched my Dad constantly fluctuate. I wasn't too concerned with all of this in elementary school and assumed that one day i would wake up and i wouldnt be chubby anymore. That didn't exactly happen. We ate pretty healthy growing up and I was pretty active, but as i got older i ate more junk and stopped being so active. This however, isn't the point of this blog because i know my history so for now we'll concentrate on the last two years and how i got fat.
I'm not exactly sure at what moment i started gaining weight but I do remember going that by September 2007 I had gained at least 15lbs. I kept trying to recommit to living healthy and exercising and going to Weight Watcher meetings but i just couldn't get into it. Not to mention, I was now on antidepressants, started grad school and had the class from Hell. So it probably would have been a way better idea to hit the gym and workout my stress but instead i just ate everything and anything i wanted to and ignored the fact that my clothes didn't fit.
I spent most of that year attempting to start again and just failing everytime. When I left for Spain in the summer I was almost embarrassed to go because I knew that everyone was going to notice that I had gotten fat. Of course I went though and had an awesome time and lost some weight thanks, to all the walking up and down the mountain. But, as soon as i got home i fell into the same habits, ordering take out, not working out etc... So once again, I hauled my big butt into Weight watchers determined to start again and succeed. The biggest shock was when I stepped on the scale and it said 220lbs., this is the most i have ever weighed in my entire life, so not good. So the first week i lost 3lbs. and then Hurricane Ike came and i just stopped going to meetings. I think I finally began to realize that there was no point to going if I wasn't really into it.
And that brings us to here, today, right now. Where today I can declare that I, Juli Todd, am 27 years old and fat. But, I don't want to be fat anymore so I'm not going to be. I know its not that simple but really it is, because I have always accomplished my goals and why should this be any different.

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